Ain't no crush
by Numbuh Eleventy
Summary: Wally ponders girls and what makes them so annoying, only to find himself thinking about a certain somebody despite his previous judgement. Oneshot- 3x4, Wally's POV.


**Hey there :) First KND fanfic so go easy on me, I'm new in town and have no friends yet *le sad violin* so I hope to make some new ones on here soon. This is written from Numbuh 4's POV so it may sound a little...well, for lack of a better word, _cruddy._ **

**Anywhooo, 3x4 implied (strongly implied) and they are about 10/11 years oldin this fic. Enjoy :D**

Ain't no crush

I _hate _cruddy girls.

With their cruddy pink, girly colours and their frilly ribbons… ugh. All they're good for is cleaning, cooking and knitting. Well, that's at least what my Mom does, but she ain't no girl.

Nope, I'm talkin' about those crummy little cootie-infested things that skip around, singing their cruddy songs about rainbow _dorkies _and ponies with horns on their heads and flowers and tea-parties. Ergh! Makes me ill just thinking about all the unnatural things girls get up to.

The only exception is probably Numbuh 5- she ain't got no time for playing around some crummy old hopscotch or with some skippy-jump-rope-thing. She prefers doin' stuff by herself, doin' normal things like a normal person… but she's still a Sheila like the rest of em.

Why can't they just be sent to outer-space, doomed to float around the universe for all of eternity?

Haha, Moon Base would just love to see that, a bunch of no-good-squealing-ankle-biters playing pinball between the planets, till their heads explode from lack of oxygen.

In a way, they remind me of the critters back home. You gotta keep swatting em away before they get too close and start bugging the heck outta ya, nipping at ya skin and drivin' ya absolutely nuts. I'd love to give the old Aussie salute to a few of those rainbow nerdlings at my school.

Hmm… all this talk about cruddy women reminds me of one especially annoying girl who would probably go all street-fighter brawl on me if she heard that I've been smack-talkin' her gender.

She may look all innocent at first glance, but looks can deceive… What with her tiny body, long flowy hair that smells like strawberries (how does she do that? Is it like shampoo or something?) and dark-purplely brown eyes that are always so bright and happy… it's downright disturbing.

Then it's her nauseating sweetness which can only be described as overly gushy and mushy. I mean, how's a guy s'pose to get work done when some cruddy girl keeps catching his eye with her huge green jumper passing by every darn minute, humming some lame monkey song as she prances back and forth the room.

I mean, if I have to hear her yabber on again in that high-pitch-sing-song voice, chatting nuthin but a load of crud about butterflies and sunsets, I think I'm gunna hurl.

_At least she's cute._

I mean- well, she's okay… cute maybe in a kinda baby animal way (not that they're cute, ergh) But not in a y'know… cute as _in IreallylikeyouKuki _kinda way.

Even if she does smell sorta nice… and her skin is really soft, like marshmallows. Probably because she's all powerpuff girly, fulla all that 'sugar, spice and all things nice' junk.

Hmm… I like marshmallows.

And I guess if I had to weigh out all the pros and uh bad stuff, her voice ain't all that annoying when she ain't natterin' on about the rainbow duds at the top of the lungs.

In fact, it was kinda nice when she sat next to me at the hospital, when I'd broken my collarbone falling down that hill, playing extreme Frisbee with Numbuh 2 (that crazy bastard). She'd stayed with me the whole night and although I hate to admit it, hearing her voice was kinda nice... warm and sweet like that honey my Mom pours on my waffles and pancakes (I dunno how it reminded me of food, it just did).

So maybe she's okay for a girl… when she's not weeping or squawking like my Uncle's bloody parakeet. I do seem to make her cry a lot though, something I usually don't care much about but for some reason when it's her, it makes me feel bad, like my gut is tearing up my intestines. I never chunder but it feels as if I might if I don't figure how to make her stop.

And another thing… hugs. Why is it that cruddy girls love cruddy hugs? Can't they express their lovey doveyness somewhere else, away from me? God, I swear I'd rather embrace a wild coyote than some kissy little girl.

Numbuh 3 sure loves to give em out though. I use to hate getting them off her, on account of my face would always heat up like I had flu or something. The first time she wrapped those green sleeves around me, I thought my head would explode. All I remember was that my heart was slamming out of my chest so fast, my cheeks were red and my throat felt like the sandpaper in Dad's tool shed.

Ergh, Numbuh 3 musta given me some kind of girl-flu-disease the first time because I've never felt so sweaty and ill in my whole life.

Now I'm use to her hugs. They're more expected than dreaded. On occasion, I still get a little lost for words and dizzy, especially when I'm looking right her and for some strange reason, my mind goes blank and I'm left focusing on that piece of hair that always seems to flop down onto her face, tickling her mouth at the top. I once caught myself staring at her mouth. For no particular reason, I just stared until I felt her stare back. Then I got more red and looked like an even bigger dag.

Moving on, I guess her hugs ain't too bad, since I don't gotta look at her face too much and embarrass myself… plus she does smell really good (if you like flowers and fruit- which I don't)

But one thing that really does get on my nerves is that so called mate of mine, Numbuh 2. He says that it don't take a genius to figure out that I have a crush on Kuki- I mean Numbuh 3.

Hmm… FAT CHANCE.

Geez, just 'cus she's like my best friend an' all, don't mean squat when it comes to all that lovey-dovey-girly-whirly stuff.

Sure, I like her as a friend. I like the way her hair is black and shiny, like some brand-spanking new tyre rims. Oh and I like how her skin reminds of vanilla ice cream, especially since my skin is darker.

Hmm and I sorta like the way she says my name- not Numbuh 4, but my real name. She makes it sound cooler than it actually is… like it's not some lame, girlish sounding word which sounds a lot like an animal back in Australia.

Now that ya mention it, so does Joey… hmm.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, I like the fact that when we met, she didn't ask me whether its true that Aussies ride kangaroos to school (what, like in their pouches?), or that if the crocodile hunter is my Dad (pfft, I wish) like the others did.

What else am I missing? Oh yeah, she's got a really nice smile, especially when she laughs. It sounds sweeter than any candy in the store. The way it curls up her face and makes her eyes look all syrupy and shiny, I dunno I just can't help but smile too.

Heh. That's a lot of likes… erm well that still proves nothing! It doesn't mean I wanna be her stupid boyfriend or nuthin.

But I don't want another guy snatching her up neither. That just wouldn't be right. Obviously she needs a guy who will protect her from all the scary stuff in her life, since she's a puny little girl who needs, uh, protection. And she don't need no fellow who ain't willing to risk his own life to save her on dangerous missions and stuff.

He'll have to be pretty whipped too, poor sucker, if he wants to stay on Numbuh 3's good side. That's means playing stoopid rainbow losers around some tiny table, pouring invisible tea into dainty little cups. It'll be hard since she's always excited and on some kind of sugar high all the time.

Besides, I do 10 eleventys of that stuff already, so she's gunna have a hard time finding someone better than me to take care of her.

I hope she don't anyway. It makes me a little queasy just thinking about some no good idiot sizing up Numbuh 3, who's too good for them all put together.

Why do I care so much anyway? It's not like I do like her like that anyway. And even if I did, she'd never feel the same way.  
In case ya haven't noticed, I'm pretty short for my age and not the sharpest knife… in the place they uh keep knives.

Then again, she's never put me down about those kinds of stuff, even when I yell her at for being annoying or make her cry over some stoopid fight we had. Hmm what I lack in smartitude and height I make up for in being strong, skilled and generally being a total badass.

James Bond gets all the girls when he's jetting off in some awesome speedboat… Superman has that needy chick that he always has to save from falling off buildings. And Batman has Robin-

Never mind.

I'd like to think that maybe one day, when I don't hate cruddy girls so much and when the KND doesn't require my full time and expert- uh- help, that maybe I could ask her out some time (just as friends!) just to see what all the fuss is about with dating and crud.

It's not like I'm in l-love with her, maybe I just like her a lot. No romance or nuthin, maybe we can go get some ice cream together.

One thing's for certain, I do NOT have a crush on her.

Phew! Hoagie better shut his mouth next time he mentions anything about me and Kuki again…

Crush? It ain't no crush. Pfft, crushing is for monster trucks and WWE wrestlers.

But I do like her a lot.

**Denial is a river in Egypt my friend.  
Soo... anybody spot a reference from Toy Story 3 in that chapter? Lemme know in the reviews ;P hope you liked it!**


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